Surviving My Mind

Jewel E. Ann says "The mind isn't simply a dangerous place, It's the most dangerous place. All that's wrong, sinful, and evil starts in the mind. It's ironic how the part of the human body that controls everything is also the most out-of-control part of the body." For so long I thought I was the master of my mind, master of my thoughts, I thought I was in control of everything but surprisingly it took me one second to realize that I wasn't the master but rather a slave to it. I have to admit, having to accept the fact that I was not the one in control was one of the most challenging, confusing, and hardest things I had to go through. Even after accepting it, what I thought would make it easy became even way harder because I felt way more out of control. There were times when I thought maybe letting my mind take control again will make me feel in control once again but even that felt impossible. I couldn't silence my mind, my thoughts were in chaos, it felt as if my mind had entered uncharted waters and I didn't know how to navigate through them. I knew I had to take control back, but I didn't know how so I started with what I already knew and from then on, I slowly started unlearning the old patterns of my life. It was hard, yes, but I knew I couldn't give up on myself or my power if I was to survive my own mind.

As human beings, one of the worst feelings you can go through is feeling powerless. No one wants to feel out of control of their own life or mind, it goes without saying that you have to figure out what's on your mind before you can begin to even control it. One of the first things I did when trying to gain my power back was trying to figure out what part of my mind was I a slave to, whether it was my emotions, sensations, or my impulses. It took me a while to figure it out and I learned it the hard way that all emotions stem from thoughts. I always thought allowing myself to be compliant with my emotions was a sign of weakness, little did I know that numbing my emotions turned me into a slave. I thought repressing and invalidating my feelings was an act of resilience and it made me strong, I couldn't grasp the fact that my own mind was deceiving and manipulating me by letting me believe all my negative thoughts. Gaining my control back meant I had to unlearn all these unhealthy patterns that I became a slave to, which meant learning how to take responsibility for my emotions and validating them. It meant reminding myself constantly that I am not my emotions, reminding myself that my mind is just a part of me; it isn't me.

If you have been through a hard and tough experience and if you feel hurt or misunderstood, the mind can lie to you and make you believe all sorts of things about who you are as a person and how the world is. Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affects your perception and therefore, your whole interpretation of reality. This is where the danger becomes more real because the mind itself is a very powerful tool and when used negatively, it can be the most disastrous force in your life. It takes strong willpower and awareness to stop obeying and start commanding the mind, it's not easy but it's also possible. Remind yourself every now and then that YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND. Your mind is just a tool for you to use.

The new, older, and wiser Eunice knows better, and I know my younger self is proud of the person that I'm becoming. I know I'm not there yet, but I am getting there. I'm still learning how to embrace my emotions without letting them dictate my life or the person I am or the person I'm meant to be. I often ask myself if the thoughts inside my head are based on truth or my perception of truth. I can honestly say that I'm now beginning to sense my authentic self and it's beautiful in its own weird way. I'm proud of myself for surviving my mind and I know you can too!

Have you ever been a slave to your own mind? Was it hard gaining your control back? Feel free to drop your answers in the comment section below or you can send me a message through our get-in-touch form.

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