"They were asking the right questions. I had so many people who loved and cared about me so much, but I had never been asked the right questions where I could really say what was wrong." actress Maisie Williams said on an episode of "The Diary of a CEO" podcast. Maisie's words resonated with me more than I care to admit, and they have changed my mental health lifestyle in the best possible way.
As normal human beings, opening up to someone is both nerve-wracking and terrifying especially because the idea of being vulnerable comes with the possibility of judgment, betrayal, rejection, or failure, which can be very scary. Despite being scary, I believe that sometimes we just need that one person to ask the right question and it doesn't matter whether we may or may not have the right answers for them but what matters is that we acknowledge our emotions and the fact that they deserve an appropriate and healthy outlet. Asking the "right" questions is a small step towards breaking the societal norm that has made seeking therapy or opening up to someone a sign of weakness. I hope we can all acknowledge that we all go through certain unfortunate situations in life and that it is absolutely OK to talk to other people about those less-fortunate situations. It is also important to understand that asking the right questions sometimes means self-questioning. Self-questioning comes with learning how to be introspective meaning the ability to look inside yourself in a non-judgmental way. It is a way of assessing one's thoughts, feelings, and spirituality from an objective place. It's crucial to learn self-introspection because sometimes when we look inwards, we tend to be so judgmental, angry, and overly critical of ourselves and maybe we need a reminder from time to time that we need to give ourselves grace.
Frankly, I do not believe that there's a manuscript for the right questions to ask, but what I do believe is that the right question is the one that gives you an opportunity to be human and acknowledge that not everything can be shut off at the back of your mind. The right question is the one that allows you to open up about the realities that people don't see when they look at you. The right question is the one that when asked feels honest and gives insight into one's well-being.
Everyone needs a reminder that it is ok to ask someone how they're doing and to actually mean it and that you don't have to be a therapist to ask a question that may open up a dialogue about one's mental state. You don't need professional training to have an open and authentic conversation about mental health but also you should not forget that willingness plays a crucial role in the conversation. The willingness to have a mental health conversation does not make you a "shrink" but rather a person that cares and is willing to lend an ear. Lastly, you need to remember that instead of waiting for someone to ask the "right" questions, you can be that "someone" that asks the "right" questions.
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